Thursday, September 01, 2005

Bad Television

I couldn't keep watching all the coverage of Hurricane Katrina or Natalee Holloway, so I've been going around the channels looking for something good to watch. I haven't been having much luck, and I'll detail some of the worst I've seen.

1. Rockstar:INXS sounds good on paper. The rock band INXS is looking for a singer to fill in for Michael Hutchence, their original singer who committed suicide. They brought in 15 singers to compete. The problem is that this show can't be on the up-and-up. I haven't recorded the show to look at the credits, but I'll bet there is some disclaimer like on the Donald Trump show "The Apprentice". On that show is says something to the effect that the show's producers consult with Mr. Trump in deciding who is "fired".

My main problem with this show is that it's obvious that the winner will be one of the three remaining Caucasian guys in the competition. On Wednesday the sole African-American ("Ty") was eliminated. In a sad turn of events, Ty played the race card - insinuating that he was eliminated not based on talent (or lack thereof) but because he is black. Ty had a good voice for Broadway, but he's not a rocker. But according to Ty, he felt he was the best singer, but for the color of his skin and these racist members of INXS.

Deep down I knew Ty wouldn't win, even though he can sing well. The fact is, he IS black - and the rest of INXS isn't. It's strictly a marketing issue. The fan-base wouldn't take Ty as singer in INXS.

Which is the same reason that the two remaining women aren't going to win. Not that they DESERVE to win. Jordis & Suzie should have been eliminated a long time ago. Personally, I think Suzie is giving sexual favors to the band & co-host, Dave Navarro. They praise her WAY too much.

My guess is that J.D. will win. It's a shame that he gets so much negative criticism, he's got the total package for this gig. It's his personal relations & attitude that throw some people off.

2. Kill Reality is a show about how some reality show "stars" are trying to make a movie. They can't get hired the way everyone else does, so they hired themselves & are hoping that this will get them legitimate work in the future. There is so much bad acting going on that you will puke.

The only thing else I am going to say is that "Jonny Fairplay" needs to get smacked in his punk face.

3. Being Bobby Brown is a train-wreck about the life of R&B singers Bobby Brown & his wife, Whitney Houston. They talk about each others butts (the insides, not the outside), about using hemorrhoid cream on your face, about nasty sex, among other things. It's not a show to watch after you have just eaten something.

4. & 5. are two shows that I'm lumping together because the hosts used to have a show together.
Too Late with Adam Corolla & Jimmy Kimmel Live area waste of the airwaves. Their old show (The Man Show) seemed funny, but maybe that was because the audience was drinking and couldn't tell how bad they were. Drunk guys will think a show is good if it has women dressed in next to nothing walking around.

First off, Jimmy Kimmel Live hasn't been "Live" in ages. I always see the disclaimer of either "recorded earlier" or "previously recorded" (they are two different things) as the show begins.

Next, Jimmy has an actress/comedienne named Sarah Silverman on his show alot. She's not on to promote a movie or a show that she is doing. What is she doing you ask...I'll tell you. She's doing Jimmy Kimmel. Sarah Silverman is Jimmy's girlfriend and he's throwing her some work since she isn't in demand these days. He got her on the roast of Pamela Anderson for Comedy Central. She never met Pam before the show, but that didn't stop Jimmy from putting her on the show. She was on the show in August, and she'll be on Friday, September the 2nd too.

Next we see how Jimmy doesn't just pimp his girlfriend for his show... he gets his family into the act too. He has his Uncle Frank as "security" for the show. This guy is beyond retirement age & couldn't stop anyone without having a heart attack. he isn't funny, but he's good to laugh at I guess. Jimmy even has his aunt on from time to time. He sent her to Ozzfest, a heavy metal rock festival, just so we could see scene after scene of her being out of place. Then there is the most blatant abuse of nepotism. Jimmy's cousin Sal is so unfunny it's ridiculous. He's just a rude @$$hole.

Adam's show isn't much but him bitching about what pisses him off. He's rude to his call in viewers. He generally doesn't have a clue, except when he does some blatant advertising/kissing butt of Jimmy Kimmel. I'll have to look and see if Jimmy Kimmel is on the production of this worthless show. These two have a mutual masturbation society going on, they advertise for each other so much.

While I'm at it, 6. is another show by Jimmy Kimmel. It's the Andy Milonakis Show. He was cute pre-puberty on Jimmy's show, but he's like 13 now & writing for his own show. He is a poster boy for birth control. Nothing funny happens here.

7. & 8. are reality shows by Howie Mandel and Kathy Griffin. Howie shouldn't have come out of retirement and Kathy needs to come up with material rather than just use her interactions with/musings of celebrities she encounters.

9. Minding the Store has another no-talent (in this case Paulie Shore) gets a show. Here he also gets to run his mother's comedy club. This show is so bad they offered to pay you a dollar if you didn't like it after watching it. Not enough cash to entice me to watch Paulie.

10. Taradise (formerly known as "Wild On") is definitely a train-wreck of a show. When Brooke Burke hosted the show it had some class. She would travel the globe and show us exotic places to visit and party. Now, Tara Reid, travels the globe and shows us how drunk she can get. Tara doesn't need to drink to make a fool of herself, but it gets turned up a notch when she drinks. And boy does she like to drink. All you need to know is that on a promo Tara proudly proclaims that she knows how to say "free drinks" in eight languages. It's most likely that Tara is an alcoholic, and this show is enabling her to slide even farther downward towards her eventual rock bottom. It's a shame that the process will be documented on TV for future generations. E! is just hoping that Tara will get so drunk that she will do something embarrassing. Shame on them for that & shame on Tara for going along with it.

11. The Surreal Life is a show I normally like, but this latest season has a guest that we can all do without. Janice Dickinson has no class or shame. She is still trying to hold on to her claim to fame as a "super"model. (a title she gives herself - claiming to have created the term in reference to herself) Janice was never a supermodel in my opinion. That term refers to someone with some class. A person like Cindy, Claudia, Paulina, Eva, Tyra, Christy, or Stephanie. Janice is nothing but a washed up coke whore, and she is a terrible example of a human being. On this show she has made fun of the disabled, verbally abused her fellow guests, used her FORMER occupation as an excuse to get out of doing ANYTHING resembling work or an activity. She is such a drama queen it makes you want to puke. On the first episode she claims that Bronson Pinchot was groping her, and then later on we see her forcing a lapdance on him. She also gropes Jose Canseco every chance she gets. She bashes Omorosa without merit, once referring to her as a whore in public. Later on we see her posing near Omorosa with a large knife in hand. We see her jealous side when she criticizes Omorosa when she is participating in a lingerie show.

Janice is a disgusting person, and it's amazing that she is allowed to have her child (children?) in her custody. Hopefully the idea of Karma is true and that Janice will get a full dose her way. Rumor has it that she is getting her own reality show. Hopefully it gets cancelled quickly. Send her a message that we don't care about her trite life. Send her back to anonymity where she can wallow in her small small existence.

Then there are shows like Monster Garage, American Chopper, Blow Dry, American Hot Rod, and the like (ad nauseum). In these shows there is a leader who likes to talk to the cameras alot, but not do much work. He yells at his underlings. When things go bad, he blames them. When things go great, he takes all the credit. The "leaders" end up being millionaires because their underlings do all the work, while the underlings get little or nothing for their hard work. These leaders are egotistical, but don't show much for all their bravado.

I'm so done with regular tv. It's back to DVD movies and internet surfing.